The Mask You Live In (film) Explores how our culture's narrow definition of masculinity is harming our boys, men and society at large and unveils what we can do about it. Gender bias is no less harmful to men than to women
Horrible data and frustrating reality
A new point of view is put forward in the documentary: teenagers are more likely to be depressed and suicidal
Compared to girls, research shows that boys in the U.S. are more likely to be diagnosed with a behaviour disorder, prescribed stimulant medications, fail out of school, binge drink, commit a violent crime, and/or take their own lives.
Jennifer Siebel Newsom's new documentary film, The Mask You Live In, asks: As a society, how are we failing our boys?
We've constructed an idea of masculinity in the United States that doesn't give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity, so we make them go prove it all the time.
The first lie every boy learns in America is we associate masculinity with athletic ability. Size, strength, or some kind of skill set. Those boys that can catch a down and out, or hit the hanging curve, are elevated.They're set up for a tremendous failure and frustration in life, because being a man doesn't have a single thing to do with athletic ability.You think about all the other boys on that playground, they don't just want to play sports, they want to do computers or music or drama or debate.
Second lie every boy learns, is that we associate masculinity with economic success.You know, it's been said that comparison is the thief of all happiness, so if you're building your sense of masculinity based on power or possessions, there's always going to be someone that has more, that leads to an incredible empty life of striving for things at the expense of what's really important in life.
Then the third criteria is that as a culture, we associate sexual conquest with masculinity. Associating that with masculinity is so dehumanising. Those words are designed to keep boys silent, to keep them conforming to the construct.
At this time, the boys began to play separately from the girls. They became two groups. The boys had groups of boys, and the rules were broken (that is, sympathising with women, or true friends were women). The consequences would be serious and would result in school Bullying, crowding, and being isolated.
There's a dominance hierarchy, there are tough guys who are on the top and there are weaklings, girls, who are the bottom of the heap.Now this is the origin of sexism and homophobia.In sexism, it's that a girl isn't as strong as a boy.With homosexuality, the gay man, becomes the most stigmatised version of weakness and sissiness.What happens in your relation with other kids, is that you pick out someone who appears weak in that way, you maybe bully him, but maybe it's just a more subtle kind of demeaning.And you start hating that thing about him that you're afraid of in yourself.
2 We recognise more and more that adolescents are more likely to be depressed and suicidal, but we imagine that that will be female adolescence, because of the way we define depression, more removed, more quiet, not responding. What boys tend to do when they are getting depressed, is actually the opposite. Boys are more likely to act out, they're more likely to become aggressive using cursing words and screaming at people. But most people see it as a conduct disorder, or just the bad kid...and what happens? Before they see the other signs of depression, which will come in adolescent males just as females, that young male may become suicidal but no one has noticed it.
3 We have a rape culture. What that means is that individual rapists aren't just crawling out of the swamp, they're being produced by our culture. We live in a world, right here in our country, where men 's violence against women is at epidemic proportions.
I call what we do to our little boys and men,"the great setup”. We raise boys to become men whose very identity is based on rejecting the feminine and then we are surprised when they don't see women as being fully human. So we set them up, we set boys up to grow into men who disrespect women at a fundamental level, and then we wonder why we have the culture that we have.
One of the things that has provoked so much anger in Society today, is this notion of "aggrieved entitlement"--that men feel entitled to positions of power and all that.But they don't feel like they're getting them as much anymore.That's the injury.Not that I was in power, but that I was entitled to be.
Everyone deserves to feel whole.And each of us can do our part in expanding what it means to be a man for ourselves and the boys in our lives.
Many of us are operating, from a place of tradition, just the way things have been.We need to get men into their hearts and out of their heads.There's freedom outside of these rigid definitions of manhood.
We need to redefine strength in men, not as the power over other people, but as forces for justice, and justice means equality and fairness, and working against poverty, and working against, you know, inequality and violence.That's strength. And we need more men who have the courage to stand up and speak out, even when it means taking a risk.To go into male culture, and say some things that are going to make other men uncomfortable. Because this is about leadership.
Empathy and caring for other people and being sympathetic toward people, these are not just feminine traits or behaviour patterns, these are human patterns.
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